Thursday, May 27, 2010

As Reality Has Set In

I have been debating for the past few days what to write, where to start, or how to even express myself. This may be all over the place. Please excuse me if it is. I can’t seem to stay focused today. I have also never written anything so personal on this blog. Today, however, I just feel the need to write. Two years and two days ago my family was struck with the tragedy of losing someone that that was so full of life and had such and an amazing heart. Someone who would do anything for anyone. I will never forget the night of May 25, 2008. It was around 11pm when Kevin and I were sitting at home watching a movie, just enjoying the night. My cell phone started to ring, of course at that hour; you normally know that is not a good thing. I looked at it and saw my Dad’s name. At that point, I knew for certain that I truly did not want to answer the call. There is no way it would be good news. When I said “hello” I could hear the shakiness of his voice and it took all he had to tell me that something terrible had happened. Never could I have imagined that something terrible would be the death of my cousin, Scott. He was two days away from turning 26. My dad went on to tell me that he had died in a car wreck from someone else hitting him head on. At that point it was all he knew. All I could do was hand Kevin my phone because I couldn’t take anything else in. Within a matter of seconds the lives of so many people had changed for the worse. No amount of words could make this situation better. It wouldn’t bring him back no matter what anyone said or did. All I wanted was to wake up and realize I had just had one of the most unimaginable nightmares that a person should be allowed to have. But, I had to face the reality of it all. My Aunt was faced with the knock on her door earlier that no one should ever have to be faced with. The cops informing her of the wreck and the loss of her only child, her son, her entire life. She lived for Scott. At that time we did not have all the details of what went wrong. Of course, we all assumed, sadly our assumptions being write. Scott died on impact. Thankfully he did not have to suffer through any of this. That was the only consoling part of it all. Aunt Beverly and Uncle Mike ended up flying into Arkansas to be there with Aunt Jeanette and my grandmother through this time. Kevin, Nicholas, and I were able to make it out there a month after his death and spent a few nights there with everyone. It was great to visit and be there, but there was an emptiness of Scott not just walking through the door like he had just the summer prior to that when I was in town.

In 2007 I made a trip to Mena to visit with the kids. Scott made it a point to come into town while I was there. I had not seen him in a few years due to us living in Germany. To this day, it has left me with wonderful memories of us talking and laughing. I am not even sure how late we stayed up talking after everyone else was asleep. It was the first and last time we were able to sit and talk as adults. We were able to see how we had each grown and matured. I found out things about him and was able to have great conversations. I know we are told to not live with regrets, but I can’t help but to have one in this situation. My biggest regret is that we didn’t take pictures! He and I are both into taking pictures in order to have the visualization of memories and to share with everyone. Scott was especially one to take pictures of everything! He has taken some of the most amazing photographs from all over the world. Scott had so many talents in photography and journalism and had such an amazing life ahead of him. I will forever have the memories of our childhood together and the last time I saw him. I hold them close to me and very dearly.
I remember growing up we would pick on each other for so many things, get the other person in trouble with Grandmama just because we could, all at the same time loving the time we had to spend together. I remember one time giving him a hard time for calling Aunt Jeanette “Mommy”. Lol. Now I look back at it and am so grateful that the two of them were able to share a bond that so many other Mother’s are not blessed to have with their children. What a bond that was too. I have never seen a mother and son like the two of them were. When he moved out, he would still talk to her numerous times throughout the day and week. Aunt Jeanette was truly blessed with the time she had and with the amazing son she raised. Looking back on all of this now makes me strive to be that much better as a mother to my kids. We never know what the future holds, even more so what tomorrow holds. From day to day, hour to hour, and even minute to minute things change. They change for the better and sadly for the worse. We learn to put more of our faith in God and lead our lives in ways we may not have lead them before. I look at my kids differently that I did before Scott’s death. It is not the love I have for them and the way I love them that has changed. It’s just the pure fact of the unknown. This tragedy has opened my eyes to so much more in life.

For the first time this past March I was finally able to bring myself to visit the cemetery. Kevin, the kids, and I followed Aunt Jeanette to where Scott is now laid to rest. As soon as I got out I broke down. I could no longer hold it in. Reality really struck at that point. He’s really gone. To see his name on the headstone makes it that much more real. I think that is what makes the anniversary of his death this year that much harder, as well as his birthday two days later. Today is May 27, 2010, Scott’s 28th birthday. Happy birthday my dear cousin. You are forever missed and loved so very much.

David Scott Berry was two days shy of his 26th birthday when he lost his life. He had spent the day with his mom, my Aunt Jeanette in Mena, AR and was on his way home in Russville, AR when someone made a careless decision. The other driver was more than two times the legal limit and crossed the yellow line going 90MPH, from what I was told. His irresponsible and selfish decision not only cost himself his own life, but Scott’s as well. Everyday my family is faced with an emptiness that can never be filled because of a drunk driver. A mother and father go to bed every night and wake up every morning with their son in Heaven. Two sisters are faced with the reality that they can no longer visit with their baby brother. A family lives in an emotional state that just doesn’t go away. Time may heal the amount of breakdowns that occur but it never takes away the pain that has been brought into our lives. We have all been faced with the reality that no matter what none of us can just pick up the phone or send a card to him anymore. Our lives are forever changed. The whole point on what I am trying to get at is to think before you make a life altering decision. You can’t undo something like this. I can never stress the importance to not drink and drive. We are all faced with the outcomes of decisions we make as an individual, but while you are deciding what to do, please think of the others that will be around you. No family should ever be faced with a loss over someone’s carelessness and selfishness. I have always been and always will be against intoxicated driving and wish everyone else would be the same.

Life is too short. At times, shorter for some over others. Make decisions that you can be proud to make and that you can hold your head high to. Live everyday as though it could be your last. One of these days you will be right on that. Love the ones you are with and always give your all to those. Never let a day pass that you go without telling those you love how you feel. Never live in regret. Be the best parent, spouse, aunt, uncle, cousin, friend and family a person could ever have. Give your all in everything you do. Hold the ones you love close and never let go. If today were your last, who would you call and what would you say?

Scott, thank you for being an inspiration to so many people and leading such an amazing life at such a young age. Aunt Jeanette and David, you raised such an amazing son. Anyone that has been blessed to have Scott apart of their lives and to have the memories he has left us to, is incredibly lucky. I know he is watching over us all and we will all one day see him again. Until then, think about all that I have written. I do apologize for this possibly being all over the place if you find it that way. Today is the first time I have truly put some of my thoughts into words in place of holding them all in.

Scott's Memorial page on Facebook is:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=510211208#!/group.php?gid=18143501979&v=wall&ref=ts

As you are out this weekend and any other weekend or night, please remind yourself of the dangers of drinking and driving. These dangers not only affect you, but also the people around you.

David Scott Berry

May 27, 1982 - May 25, 2008

This picture was taken in March 2008

2 comments:

  1. May you be able to find some peace. My prayers are with you.

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