I'm Almost Back

What a chaotic month this past month or so has been for my family! First, I had spinal surgery on June 18 which kept me down for awhile. I am still trying to recover as I write this, but am much better than I was. The pain is still there and it still hurts to sit, but it could be worse!

Kevin had to undergo a disc replacement on his C5-6 and a fusion on C6-7 this past Wednesday morning (July 20). He had to stay over night at Beaumont and is home now, recovering. He is already able to tell and feel a difference and improvements, which is absolutely amazing! We cannot wait to see what the full recovery brings to him! Kev is still in a fair amount of pain and very sore, but is on his road to feeling better in that area of his neck and shoulders. I will post again at some point this weekend of the details of his surgery and why it was done, just as I will update with many photos that I have hidden away to share!

Hopefully in the next week or two, I will be back to updating on here. Thank you so much to everyone that prayed and to all that called/messaged me to check on him and me over the past six weeks! We appreciate and love you all!

At a Loss

I should be working on a test right now for a course that I have a little over a week to complete, yet here I am, unable to focus any attention of what I should be doing. Instead, I am thoughts, worries, fears, and pure anger are taking over tonight. I want to cry. I want to throw things. I want to shout at the world that life just doesn't seem fair and that this woman that stands at barely 5'3" and weighs a little over 115 pounds just can't take on anything else. Yet, here I am. As much as I just want to break... I won't. I don't really know how. 

As grateful as I am when it comes to all I have in life and I much as I cherish the smallest things, I don't understand why I cannot just catch a break from upsetting things. I don't even know where to go from here or how long this will be. So, please forgive me should this go astray. I am just at a loss right now. There is just so much going on and even more to accept as I take it all on. 

Kevin just went through a surgical procedure to remove another cancerous spot from his face. The good news is that the surgeon did an excellent job in the procedure and his scar looks AMAZING! I am so happy over this. He was stressed and worried due to having his cheek cut open and because of the fact his arms already make his subconscious enough. In case you are not aware, in 2007 he was hit during a mission and thrown from the turret out into open ground. During this he was knocked unconscious and suffered from TBI, a broken elbow, and severe nerve damage. In 2009 he was sent home a little past midway during another deployment. He was unable to do certain things and could not function properly. It was to the point he had no feeling in either hand and was considered paralyzed. He had to undergo two surgeries, one on each arm to cut nerves, replace things, and move nerves around. Over time he was able to open and close his hands again and slowly regain feeling. However, his right arm and hand didn't heal properly and it is falling back to how it was before the surgery. He has no strength in his hand and struggles at time. He still does not have the feeling back. With this being said, the scars on each arm take up the majority of the arm. We were just informed this past week that he will more than likely have to under go another surgery on his right arm. We should find out more soon. He is also being scheduled for his disk replacement in his neck within the next few weeks. I am trying not to worry to much about this surgery, but it's not working. He can't turn his head to the left very far and is in constant pain. He neck started to show too much curvature in 2007 during the deployment in Mosul and has gradually gotten a lot worse. After injections, physical therapy, acupuncture, and chiro appointments, the only option is the surgery. He is very ready for it to happen and ready to get past the recovery. They say the first few days will be difficult and after that it is more about the muscles in that area re-adjusting to his neck being in a better condition. Within a couple months he will go from being sore and pain to out of nowhere, able to move better than he has in years. It will just happen. I can't wait for him to be out of pain and able to move his head better!

I am still waiting to be scheduled for the surgery on my lower spine/tail bone region. They have to remove a piece of my spine from where I fell and broke my tail bone a couple years back. It never healed and is causing terrible inflammation and pain throughout my lower spine. They may also have to readjust it all while they are in there. We won't know to what extent until after the surgery. The recovery will take about a year, the first month being the most difficult.

On Friday I was informed that I have to undergo ANOTHER abdominal surgery sometime soon. Yes, you read that right...another one. There have been way too many! This one is to remove my cervix. Hell, everything else has been removed, so maybe this will take care of the issues. Who knows though. When I had to go through the oopherectomy in August (removal of ovaries), they were unable to get to my cervix because of the endometreosis and adhesions (which now I have some sort of adhesion disease?). My cervix is wrapped up and connected to other organs and my abdominal wall. To do this surgery is a very high risk thing and takes a highly qualified surgeon to perform. There is a chance of bowel and intestinal damages, but without the surgery I will get a lot worse. We really have no other option at this point. I have been referred to a GYN oncologist who is very qualified to perform this and is not a military doctor. As most of you know, I almost lost my life last year because of an incompetent surgical team at a military hospital. You can read more about this situation here. 

I am also scheduled for another colonoscopy this coming Thursday due to many issues. In November I was admitted back into the hospital for a week due to kidney failure (again) and found out that I had multiple kidney stones and colitis. Since I was diagnosed with colitis I had to go through a colonoscopy. During this time, they found out that I had ulcers that were bleeding and a tumor. With this, I have had some issues since then, ones that I don't care to go into right now, and have to go through the procedure again. The doc is concerned that there may be more to it than originally thought. Of course, following the procedure on Thursday I will know more. 

So, aside from the many procedures I have had to undergo, this coming surgery makes ten surgeries overall and the back will make eleven....

This will be the: 

8th surgery on my stomach since 2001

5th full open abdominal incision (3 were c-sections)(since 2001)

3rd since August 2010 (the other two were laparoscopy's)

They say this one will be difficult in every aspect, even recovery. More so than the others because of what all has to be done and because of the pure fact I will now be cut open five times in the same spot. This is a high risk and major surgery. 

Needless to say... No, I am not doing okay with any of it. I am tired of being cut open. I am tired of crappy health. I am tired of surgeries. I am tired of doctors. I hate it all. I just want health like the majority of others my age. I want to feel good and live a normal life. I am so damn tired of things being taken from me and it pisses me off that I cannot live in ways that a 28 year old should be able to. I am angry over the fact that my life was almost cut short last year and from that I am now limited to so many things. It's not fair. 

No, I am not being rude or ungrateful. To know me, you would know that I am one of the most appreciative people around. But, you know what... I am allowed and entitled to feel as I do. Until you walk in my shoes, please refrain from judging me, my feeling, or things I say. Please don't preach to me on the fact that I am still alive. I know this and am very aware of it all. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for allowing me to stay here. I have a good life with my husband and kids! There is not a single day I take for granted. I never have. Life is a gift and I cherish and enjoy every part of it... even times like now. Yet, that doesn't make any of this right.

It's not right that right now, I need people to be here and to let me cry and vent. Right now I need my family and friends. Right now, once again, I am learning that it's easier for people to brush this off rather than to pick up the phone and call. I am learning again that even with the severity of my husbands PTSD and other issues, he is my main support in life. I don't think I could get through any of this without him by my side... My kids, Kevin, and a few other people keep me going and pushing. We all know that none of this will keep me down for long, because I won't let it. But, right now, in this moment, I feel weaker than I normally do and I don't know what to do. The ones I thought I could turn to, that I have always been here for, have obviously turn the other way. I guess when it is easier to be there for someone when they are going through good things in life and not so much when things get difficult. Though, I have heard quite a few times that if I weren't so far away they could be here for me. Hmmm.... not exactly sure why or how distance can make such a difference. I have never let distance become the reason of not being here for someone that I love and care about. I suppose that is just me though. Distance should never be an obstacle on things in life. I guess I would rather learn this now, than later though. 

Kev's PTSD and TBI leaves us with good days, but it has us facing many difficult days. Seems lately he has been having many bad moments throughout the day and nightmares again. I have learned the signs and the triggers, not all of course, but many. I now know how to handle the kids should one strike and how to handle him. Still, it doesn't make it easier to see him face these battles.... To see us face them, I should say. It angers me to see how lightly many people take combat injuries. It's like it you can't physically see the injury on a person, then it didn't occur. Not even close to the truth... El Paso is breaking him down more and more by the day. There are too many things about this city and the people that leave him fighting flashbacks and hard times. I hate this city because of the struggles I see first hand. I cannot wait to get him and our children away from here and into the quiet little town that we have decided on. It can't come soon enough. 

I just feel at a loss in the moment that I am in and pray for strength to get through it all. I have to and with a smile on my face. Thank you to the ones that have remained by my side every step of the way. There are a couple of you that stay by my side, good or bad. I cannot thank you enough. I am sure I will update more in the next few days. I know I have neglected writing the past few days, but I have had a lot to take in. 

As always, thank you for reading and feel free to comment or email!

                                                                                                                       ~♥~  Britt

Busy Biddle Life....

I know I have not updated this as quickly as everyone would like, but in my defense, it has been such a busy (almost) week here for us! Last week was GYN pre-op for me, we picked up the keys to our new house, moved in and made it our home! Neither of us have had much downtime or "net" time.

We LOVE our new home! It is working out wonderfully for all of us! We started to move in last Thursday and are pretty much settled in now! A few odds and ins still need to be taken care of, but you could never tell we've only been here a few days. While Kevin went in to sign out of work, I managed to get the kitchen just how I wanted it on Thursday night. Of course, the rest of the house came together fairly quickly after that!

We were able to register the girls at their new school today. Seems like it will be an excellent school for each of them! We are very excited to see what this school year has in store. We have New Student Orientation on August 12 and Orientation to meet their teachers on August 19. School starts August 24, three weeks from today! Where has the time gone? It is so hard to believe that Bre is in third grade and Caitlin in second! They will be riding the bus this year, which makes them feel even bigger! The part they are most excited about.... No school uniforms!!! Thy have the typical dress code to follow, but nothing like the past few years with certain pants and only polo shirts of certain colors! Of course, we had to take them shopping for clothes over the weekend. Trying to get as much done as possible before my surgery!

Speaking of surgery, it will occur on August 9 at William Beaumont Army Medical Center here on Fort Bliss. As of right now, the details are very limited and we will not know exactly what will happen until after the operation! They are starting it off as a laparoscopy. Three small incisions in my adominal area. They will remove my ovaries this way. They will clean the area out and go in with a microscope in order to look at my cervix. At this point, with my health and previous surgeries they are unsure if they can remove my cervix. It may cause to many complications right now, as well as problems with my bladder that could possibly lead to further surgeries. If they can remove my cervix they will then do a full abdominal incison, the same as with my c-sections and partial hysterectomy. If they are unable to remove my cervix, they will have to closely monitor it from here on out and we have to pray for no further difficulties. The doctors are hoping they will be able to remove it without the damage and added on complications. They have already stated I fall into a high risk category. They have also pulled me from my pain pills due to this surgery. The pain medication and my health can cause complications leading me to not wake up from the surgery. Good news, as of right now, my thyroid panel looked excellent! That is great news considering it has been quite awhile for a wonderful panel to come back! The thyroid panel checks my TSH and T4 levels, as well as other things. Since I no longer have a thyroid gland, my levels are monitored frequently. About every 12 weeks or less I have to have lab work for it. Now, we are playing the waiting game to see what the outcome will be. Kevin will try to contact everyone to give an update and I will attempt to get on here to write a quick update. No promises on that one though! Feel free to send me or Kev a text if you want, or send me an email if you want a call! If you don't hear from us right away, please understand, things are incredibly chaotic right now! We don't know how long the surgery will take and the waiting room at the hospital has terrible reception for cells. Please be patient, you will hear something at some point on August 9! Don't call and get upset if we don't answer or return calls back shortly!

Quick Update

We finally received the call we have been waiting weeks from EFMP yesterday! How amazing that call was! Everything with mine and Breanna's healthcare has been officially updated! Kev's Branch Manager can now cut us orders to get out of El Paso.... well, as long as we can get in touch with her. Kevin has made many attepmts to reach her since we found out that everything is updated. After many attepmts yesterday and this morning, we decided to research an alternate number since we can never get her to answer. We located one and called just to be informed that Quatermasters is in transition from VA to Fort Knox, KY. Talk about timing, could it be any worse? Haha. Kev left a message with someone for the reason behind the call as well as all of his contact information, in hopes that she would actually call him. After lunch, we decided to cover all bases and he also sent her an email. The Army is not the best at relaying messages at all times, especially when relocating. We did not hear from her at all today and are praying we hear something on Monday. My fear is her not calling him in time and us being stuck here for another few years. However, I am trying not to think nor focus any unneeded attention on that matter. We are staying postitive and as much as we are wanting to be closer to the east coast, we are also at the point of not caring where we go as long as it is better than here with better healthcare! I am sure everyone can understand that. El Paso really would not be that bad if it were not for the lack of healthcare that WBAMC gives us as well as the rude people we tend to run across out here. How it makes us miss the southern hospitatlity! Neither of us are use to people that are not welcoming! There is a lot more to it, but nothing I care to express at this point! Staying with the positive side of things!

Yesterday was wonderful! We are cleared on all speeding tickets now! Lol, yes Kevin and I each ended up getting a few combined, but they are taken care of. We were ticket free for eight years until last year! Guess it was bound to happen sooner or later! However, we never expected us to each get one within a week of each other! Then, I got another one shortly after he deployed while in a rush to work after oversleeping. What can I say, some days were harder than others when it came to waking up and him being overseas! I didn't sleep well the night prior! Yesterday Kevin had court for his ticket. Yes, over a year later because they had to reschedule his court date since he was already in Iraq when the original date rolled around. Kevin went to court and called me, pretty happy after. The judge dismissed his ticket! The cop was there and just told him that he did not recall pulling Kevin over. Love it! We also received a call from our Nurse Case Manager. All I have to say is she seems great and already on top of things. She is also upset and very let down with WBAMC for not setting us up with her four years ago and for taking my health as a joke. There is a lot to take care of with my health, but more than likely we will not have the time to do it here. Good news on it, she had me go in for more lab work (Thyroid Panel). With all the medications Cpt Burton put me on we have been able to maintain my levels! Terrific news! It has been awhile since we have heard that!

We also had to replace the battery in the XTerra today! We just replaced Kev's car battery like two months ago! How do we end up with dead batteries in both vehicles in less than a few months! Something that was definitely unexpected!

Now, we are back to the Army's wonderful "Hurry up and Wait" life! Waiting on orders and waiting to finally move out of here! As soon as we do get them, we could be moving very quickly! As always, we will keep you all updated! As of now, everything that is posted on here is all that we are aware of!