Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Facts of Our Lives

I have been real hesitant on writing this post.... Once you have read it, I am sure you will better understand why. Last week a doctor that Kevin has been seeing for the past year started a procedure that we have been pushing off since the first of this year. He put in the referral for Kev to go through the medical discharge from the army. Some of you may be asking what this means and why. Let me tell you. My husband suffers from PTSD. So many people out there look at PTSD as a joke. Just a heads up, it is NOTHING at all to joke about. This is something serious. We have soldiers that are losing their lives because they cannot handle what the PTSD does to them. NO, Kevin is not at any risk for taking his life or mine and the kids. There is no threat at all with this. I don't feel the need to go into detail on the severity of PTSD he suffers from, just know it has been a real tough road. Also know, he is not really wanting to be bothered on this. The decisions that are being made right now are between the doctor, Kevin and me. The other reasons for the medical discharge is he has skin cancer, caused by deployments, his back and neck are damaged from the deployments, damage in both arms from the deployments, possible sleep apnea from the deployments, and more. As you can see from all of this, he is not in any position to deploy again. Yes, the things that you think of when you think of a war zone are the things that Kevin has been through and had to do. The life he lived over there is a life that no person should have to endure, yet he did. So, if you have not lived the military life with your spouse gone, be thankful that they are home. Be thankful you are not living with the permanent changes this life can bring. I would not change my life with Kevin for the world. Being with him and our kids is all that I can ever want out of life. However, seeing the changes in him is not something that puts a smile on my face. My husband is forever changed.

One day when he was away during the last deployment he called me. I was just taking my lunch break. He called me whenever he was not out on a mission during my lunch break. It was the one time during my day that would put a smile on my face! This call was different and it was one that I still can't shake. It has been a little over a year since this call. In the midst of us talking all I could hear were very loud explosions, followed by sirens and yelling. Then Kevin saying, "Oh shit. Baby, I have to go. I love you more than anything, kiss the kids for me......" then the drop of the phone. Even after he dropped it, I sat in my truck, listening to all the explosions, sirens and yelling. It was like something out of a dream. All I could think is this is not happening. I cannot even put into the proper words how shaky I was, the things I was experiencing, or the noises I heard. All I could do was sit there with the phone to my ear for a few moments, praying it would stop. It wasn't just one or two explosions, there were multiple explosions and they were so loud. It sounded like they were right beside the phone. (Which later, I did find out they were right there at the tent...talk about close)  After a few minutes I knew I had to hang up the phone, so I did...then I broke down into tears. All I could do was pray that he was okay. Thankfully a few hours later, while I was standing in the HR's office talking with my boss, my cell phone rang. When I saw Kev's skype number on my screen I started to cry again. I was so thankful to hear his voice and to know he was okay. To this day, I cannot get those sounds out of my head or the fear in his voice. I cannot imagine this being the life that these guys are living daily. I understand more and more of PTSD and the after war life that goes on. They leave for war as an alive person and come back as someone that has literally lived through hell!

Once everything is said and done, Kevin will be medically retired. Everything is combat related, and there is a lot that is being documented. We will keep all of our benefits just as if he were to retire at 20 years. It is just an early retirement based on all that he has been through and all that is going on with him health wise and physically. Overall, he is doing pretty good though. He is incredibly strong and stubborn. He is beginning to look forward to a life with me and the kids...wherever that may be. We are making the decision on where we end up based on where we each find jobs. We appreciate everyone's input, but this is something we have to decide on our own, knowing that the five of us come first in wherever the road may lead....

Thank you to everyone for the prayers and for continuing to understand and stand beside us. There is no way to put into words how my we appreciate it all. This will all take time for the right decisions to be made. As soon as we know more, we will update on here (some of you will receive phone calls before it is posted on here). If there is more you want to know, please email (ksbiddle2@hotmail.com) or call us!

We love you all and appreciate you more than you know. Thanks for being patient as we make the transitions we are about to make. The only thing we know as of now is Kevin should be out of the army within the next 2-6 months. It just depends on the appointments he has and the MEB (Medical Evaluation Board).

 More updates to come.....


  1. We have a very good family friend who served in Iraq for almost 2 years and he now suffers from PTSD. Many prayers to you and your hubby!

  2. Thank you so much! People don't realize the damage going to war does to people. It is a hard life, thank you for your prayers!

  3. This story gave me goose bumps. I could'nt imagine going through everything you have gone through. You are the strongest person I think I have ever met! I cannot wait to see you! Love you all so much! Tell Bre happy Birthday from us! XOXO

  4. Thank you so much! This means so much to me! However, who is this that left the comment? It is showing up Anonymous...