There is Always Hope

There are no words when someone that you love takes their own life... My heart breaks for the friends and family that has been affected by the loss of my friend, but it is shattering for her little girls and what they are going through.

If you or someone you know has thoughts of suicide, please seek help immediately! Life is a precious thing that way too often we take for granted. The HOPELINE: 1-...800-784-2433 is 24/7 and can be used if suicide is being felt as an option or it can be used to simply have someone to talk to in moments of darkness.

1-800-273-TALK can also be called 24/7 (The Option 1 is for Veterans, but the call center also operates as a National Suicide Hotline outside of that option.

Aside from these two numbers, there are typically places in your local areas that can help you out. 

PLEASE never let depression take over you life and make you feel that suicide is your only option. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Even when you feel completely alone, people do love you and are here for you. 

My inbox and cell phone are always open to anyone that needs to talk!

Don't Worry About Me

Today, while sitting at my desk, I received a message with words I never thought I would read....

"_____ decided to take her own life" (Out of respect for family and friends, I will not be releasing her name at this time). All I could do was just sit there and stare at my phone is shock and disbelief. This is someone that a year ago I was sad to see moving away from where I lived, someone that I talked to about making plans to visit one another, someone that went out of her way for others, and always had a positive outlook on things... Yet, today I was informed of her taking her own life....

I have found myself in a daze more times today and in tears almost as much, just trying to put things together..trying to understand. Then I find myself angry at me because I should have been there more. I have not talked to her in a couple months because we have each just been so freaking busy. I just feel lost and hurt. I hurt for all of us that lost her, but even more for the two precious angels she left behind. Her daughters are so young and now having to take on the loss of their mother. My words are just very limited right now. I am just heartbroken, upset, mad, and so much more. Yet with all of these, I feel a bit numb.

Regardless of her choice, I still love her and will cherish all of our memories. Her daughters will remain in my prayers...always... just as everyone affected will remain in my thoughts and prayers.

I will always remember her smiling and  positive thoughts, as well as the amazing love she had for her daughters. I just hope they grow up knowing the same thing...

I am sure that she is shining and smiling down on us now, saying "Don't worry about me".

Why did she have to go
So young I just don't know why
Things happen half the time
Without reason without rhyme
Lovely, sweet young woman
Daughter, wife and mother
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

Loved ones she left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
Then asking for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

It's hard to say goodbye
Her picture in my mind
Will always be of times I'll cherish
And I won't cry 'cause

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Don't worry 'bout me
Don`t worry 'bout me

Gone, But Never Forgotten

I keep searching for the right words today, yet here I am, unable to find them. This time, three years ago (almost exactly this time), Kevin and I were watching television when my phone rang with the worst news possible....My cousin, Scott, had been hit head on while driving and didn't survive. Within time, we came to learn that the other driver was more than two times over the legal limit when he crossed the yellow line. Scott died on impact.

Three years later and the pain just doesn't go away. I think about him all the time and the tears just flow. Growing up, Scott and I spent a lot of time around each other. In 1997 he moved to Mena, AR and I wasn't able to see him often. Thankfully, in 2007 I drove out to GA to see our family with the kids while Kevin was deployed, then headed to Mena to see my Grandmother and Aunt Jeanette. While I was there, he came out and stayed the night. For the first time, we were able to sit and talk, exchange stories as adults and catch up on missed time. It is a time that I will never forget and always hold close.

A couple weeks ago, I was sitting on the couch trying to relax, when Kevin called out to me. He said that Caitlin needed to ask me something and knew that it was something more in my area than his. Yes, we have certain areas that each of us handle better than the other. Caitlin walked over to me and out of nowhere, she told me that she wanted to tell Scott that she loves him but didn't know how. I had to bite the inside of my cheek in hopes of not shedding tears in front of her. I kept my composure and explained to her that if she talked to him like she does God when she prays, he would hear her. I didn't know what else to say and that seemed to be the right thing for her. I told her that he is always watching over us. As she walked away, I had to get up and walk outside because I couldn't keep the tears from coming. My heart ached, yet I was so proud of her for thinking about him and asking me this.

As you read this, please throw in a special prayer for Scott's parents, my Aunt and Uncle. Not only are they having to take on this day, but on May 27 we are all faced with Scott's 29th birthday. Two days after his accident he would have been 26. We could all use a special prayer this week.

*** Scott, not a day goes by that I don't think of you. The tears flow so easily and have everyday since the day we lost you. My heart aches knowing that you have been taken from us, especially when it comes to your parents. Please, keep watching over them.... We all love you and miss you more than words could ever say.***