Saturday, April 13, 2013

Dear "Old Army" Life

I sat down the other night after taking time to pull away from conversations and everyday life and took the time to think about what we have been through, where we have been and where we are now. Where we are now is so incredibly different than where we were in life just a couple years ago. After all this time, I have found a way to be content with the past and our experiences/obstacles because each significant and insignificant moment in our lives have made each of us who we are today. They have molded us into the lives we live and left us with the will to survive and fight harder for things we desire in life. Things will never be the same, not as they once were. But, that is okay because things always happen for a reason. With all that I have been through from the army life, Kev's time active duty and now as a wounded veteran, kids, and my own serious health issues/surgeries, this is our life and I am so proud of where we are and who we are. 

When I sat down and wrote, it became a letter to our old Army life. It all just poured out of me in an unexpected way. I never thought I would just sit down and become honest with myself and then share it with others. I did this because often we lose ourselves in the negative side of this life and forget that there is so much positive to it - even with the breakdowns and numerous shedding of tears. I have decided that I am going to put a sincere smile on my face and enable myself to be happy despite the hard times, despite the breakdowns, despite the injuries and despite what we are going through - and you can too! Our lives as spouses of wounded veterans is far from easy, but the more any of us dwell on the past and focus on the negative aspects, the worse off each of us will be. Why bring unneeded misery to our lives, we have enough of that with daily living when moments are rough. We can all make a difference, whether it's revolving around our families or taking our own experiences and using them to help others. I have taken this stand and want to use our experiences to help others, to let them know they are never alone. We have all been there.

I submitted the below article to Yahoo Contributor and they published it a couple days ago, I won't share the whole thing on here, however you can always click HERE to view it on Yahoo's website.

.......While I so desperately have wanted to hate you, I simply cannot. Had it not been for you and all of your experiences, Kevin and I would not be anything close to what we are today, nor would our marriage hold the love and strength it does. Sure, I despise the stress that came with you, the numerous times Kevin spent away from us, the many super close calls, multiple changes you brought into our lives, injuries Kevin now faces, and so much more. Yet, without you, this strength that now lives within me would be nonexistent and my heart would never swell with pride every time our National Anthem plays loudly through the speakers and brings me to tears. I wouldn't know what my heart is capable of handling and loving, just as I wouldn't know what it is like to miss someone so much every ounce of my being hurts or what it's like to fall in love with the same person over and over again upon every return home. I wouldn't know what it's like to fill with pride and love as my husband dressed in his BDU's and later in ACU's, stood in formation, or led his soldiers. I wouldn't know what it's like to wait for that one phone call to come in in over two months and that one call get me through two more months of limited communication while he was in a war zone. I wouldn't know the feeling of rockets hitting his FOB while we are talking on the phone and listen to him as he drops the phone after telling me he loves me; only to breakdown hours later as his voice came through the speaker of that same phone telling me he was okay, they had just lived through another attack........

.......You've taught me patience in every step, just as how you have taught me "Hurry up and Wait" in everyday life. Everyone knows we all became professionals in this sense. During his first deployment, you taught us to never take a single moment for granted and to cherish every day that we live, good or bad. You've given me strength and confidence to stand up for what I believe in, to never give up, and to fight for Kevin with his injuries, after all no one else can advocate for him as I can. You left us with the cold reality of tomorrow not being promised so to enjoy each breath we take and to always smile.......

To read this article in full, please visit Please feel free to share this blog post and the article. 

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