I have been all over the place a lot lately...more so than normal. I suppose that is bound to happen with the roles I take on as a wife, caregiver, mother, Director, and much more though. It's crazy how things can seem to be under control once a system is developed, then almost spiral out of control at the most minor thing. What can I say though? This is my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world!
Speaking of my life, last week was a tad emotional for me in the sense that I reached the three year mark of my first battle with kidney failure from a surgery and then the surgery that saved my life. If you are not familiar with this situation, click HERE. I sat down last week and spent some much needed time thinking about it all, which there is so much more that I wish I could publicly share in regards to this, but can't. However, it all weighed so heavily on me. As a million thoughts rushed through me, I also thought about the phone calls that were made, the conversations with my dad, followed with talking to my mom...at 3:30 in the morning their time. We were in El Paso, TX and they were both in north Georgia. I kept a strong front until I heard my dads voice, then I lost it and admitted that I was scared. Would I ever see my children again? Would Kevin and I have more amazing memories to make? The "What if's" and "should have beens" rushed through me like never before. I was terrified and knew that my only option was to be strong and fight like hell...which I obviously did. Surviving this was the start of a "new" me and a new life, one that I have learned so much from in a short time.
Everyday I find myself so incredibly thankful that I pulled through not only that bout of kidney failure, but the second one as well that occurred two and a half months later. I feel blessed to still be here, despite the way that so much has changed in my life and how I have to monitor things or admit that I can't do as much as I once could. So many people began praying as soon as we announced my situation and so many prayers were answered. I have never looked at life as I did back then and never will.
To this day, I still find some anger and resentment in me, especially being only thirty with three children and a husband. I become frustrated because unlike so many other moms that I see, I can't work out like before, I can't stand for a long period of time as once before because the pain kicks in and takes over, going and having a few drinks is now out of the question, and at times playing sports is a no go for me. I still feel a good amount of pain in my kidneys and unfortunately, it may always be like that. It is what it is. As frustrated as I want to be, I find it most difficult to complain because I am still here and breathing.
Of course, the kidney issue isn't the only thing that takes a toll on my body. The Adhesive Disease I have does it as well. I have had multiple surgeries on my abdominal/pelvic area due to the adhesions. Sadly, they lead to an intense amount of pain, which many know about. When it gets real bad, it limits me on things, which means that another surgery is near. I meet with my surgeon next week, the same one that performed the one last year. I am a bit overwhelmed thinking about it because it just seems never ending. I have no idea what to expect out of this appointment or what the next steps will be. I just know that I cannot in any way continue on the 1-2 surgeries a year thing that we have going on now! This is just insane! There is no other way to describe it, other than insane and a total pain! But, for now, I will do what the doctor advises and pray this time the procedure holds for more than nine months, which was the last surgery I had to undergo.
Through all of this, I admire the strength in Kevin and the kids. With Kevin having his own battles, he helps me get through it all. The kids keep me smiling and remembering to cherish the small things in life, because they are kids. These moments with them are ones that we will never have again, so why miss out. None of us are promised tomorrow. Even the healthiest of people lose their lives because something didn't go as it was planned out. So, why wait until it's too late to live in the moment we have right now...a moment that we will never have again?
I do have a few more things that I will be posting soon in hopes of actually catching up on here and updating with photos! So, stay tuned!
The whole point of me writing leads to one thing! Life is so short! Don't wait until you're fighting to live to start living! Live now and appreciate the finer things in life that you are so blessed to have upon you! Too often that second chance isn't available, so don't let the one that you have now pass you by. You can never get the moment you are now in back, so cherish it and enjoy it!
Many of you know I LOVE to challenge people with certain things, to push them out of their comfort zone because I know what they are capable of. So, dear friends, my challenge to you:
Get out there and live in the moment! Step away from your computer and take the time with your kids and spouse. You will NEVER have the moment you are in again, don't waste it! Let your kids play in the rain, hell get out there and dance with them in it! Stay up late on a Friday night with some popcorn, junk food and a good movie with the little ones. Before you know it, these days will be gone and that kid that you once had will be a teenager, wanting to go out with their friends, then an adult living out of your house. You will look back and miss those moments you could have spent with them!
Find that one thing that you have been too afraid to do, such as sky diving, skiing, snorkeling, or whatever it may be and do it! Conquer that fear! If you're like me and were terrified to fly, find a reason to get on an airplane and enjoy the ride! I did it back in February and mastered somethings that scared me - flying and having to switch flights!
When you do these things, come back here and comment below! Share what you have done and how it changed your perception on things! I can't wait to hear how you have spent more time with your families and done things you would never do before!