They warn you about the dreaded knock
on the door. They warn you about the possibility of the physical
injuries that can be incurred. They tell you about the days and weeks
that one may go without hearing from their loved ones while deployed and
what a "blackout" means. They explain the days and nights of worries,
fears, and loneliness. They explain to you that you'll need your friends
that are experiencing the same things. Yet, through it all, they don't
warn you about PTSD. They don't explain to you that just because the
deployment is over that the war will never really end. This war I am
referring to is the war within, the war that many come home with and
that never leaves.
Many service members return from deployments
struggling with coping and the acceptance of Post-Traumatic Stress
Disorder, or PTSD. PTSD is a chemical change in the brain after going
through a traumatic experience. Of course, one can understand that
combat experiences are more of a traumatic experience than most can
imagine. Some of the men and women that come back from war are forever
changed. They are no longer the easy going, carefree, people that left
full of life and some innocence. They have flashbacks at undetermined
times, they struggle with anger issues and emotional issues, and they
become isolated, overwhelmed, and anxious. They lose sight of how life
was in the time before. They spend many sleepless nights due to
nightmares and night sweats. Many may avoid loud and crowded places,
celebrations, and situations that they may have no control over. To
them, everyone can be a threat. It is said that an estimated 25% of
returning combat veterans come home with PTSD.
This leaves many
spouses of service members with PTSD with their own personal battles,
wondering how to adjust and what to do through these times and episodes
that may exist. They find themselves clinging to the past in hopes that
the person they sent to war will eventually return, all the while
knowing that more than likely will not happen. There are five things
that come to mind when it comes to a spouse accepting and adjusting. I
have done these things being that I am a wife of a multi-combat veteran.
Give your Spouse Space.
Trust me; giving your spouse space is a necessity! They have to have
this space so they can personally adjust and process all that they have
been through and experienced. Even though you find yourself trying to
adjust to the changes, they are the ones trying to discover their place
in life and who they are.
Never Hound Them for Answers.
The worst thing a spouse can do is constantly nag and hound the
veteran for answers and to explain what they experienced. There are
things that take place during deployments that many people cannot handle
even knowing about. Most of the time, the service member is not going
to want to share the gory details of what they have witnessed and had to
do. Accept this and move on. If your spouse does want to share their
stories, sit back and listen. Never pressure them to keep talking when
they can no longer talk. There are stories that will be broken into bits
and pieces. Be thankful if they are opening up to you, even if it is
just the smallest amount of communication on what they have experienced.
Get Educated
One of the best things you can
do for yourself is to get educated! Lack of knowledge on this topic can
end up making a person crazy when PTSD is involved. The more you know,
the more you can help. The more you know the better off you are and the
more you can understand the vets mood changes and frustrations. Becoming
educated will give you a better understanding as to how to deal with
and handle the bad moments and why they battle PTSD.
There are many online resources to help with this education, such as:
Family of a Vet, Inc
VA
Clayton Stress
Give An Hour
NotAlone.com
Operation PTSD
Find a Hobby
As a spouse of an injured veteran, you are going to need a hobby to
keep yourself grounded! Take an interest in blogging, scrapbooking,
aerobics, exercising, crafting, sports, or anything else that has been
of an interest to you. Find something just for you to help you ease your
mind. You will need this, especially when days get bad and episodes are
active. Becoming involved in a hobby you truly enjoy will ease your
anxiety and emotions that will begin once living in a house with PTSD.
Creativity really shows through when a person has a lot on their mind.
It's a wonderful outlet!
Take Personal Time
The most important things for you as a spouse, take some personal time
for yourself! You have to have this to maintain your sanity with this
life. Go get your hair and nails done, walk through the mall, spend time
sitting in a park, take a hot bath, read a book, or whatever else you
find relaxing. With whatever you do, make sure you always remember
yourself and take the time you need and deserve. In no way does this
make you selfish when you take a time out, instead this will save your
relationships
and save you emotionally and physically. It is crucial that when going
through hard times, you take the time you need to process and adjust as
well.
PTSD and anything combat related affects the family
as a whole, not just the veteran. Always remember that and never lose
sight of who you are.
